A Weekend Gone Wrong

This weekend my husband and I were home with our little one. My husband had been under the weather since Tuesday, and our little one as well. I was the only one who miraculously had avoided the virus thus far. Perhaps I had brought something back from my trip to the Netherlands that I was used to. Or, I had been so preoccupied with a deadline to resubmit a manuscript, that I simply had been going on adrenaline so far. We had an okay Saturday. To give my husband a break, I took our daughter to a petting farm with a friend. We took her to the pool in the afternoon. On Saturday night, we sat on the couch, looked at each other, and I stated that my husband looked exhausted (to be honest, the word I used was “terrible”). How about another 9pm or 9:30pm bedtime? Surely tomorrow couldn’t get worse.

Sunday was a lot worse. My husband’s cold had transformed into a full-on flu, so he was hot and cold, keeping him awake most of the night. He was on toddler-duty, and although she miraculously did not wake up all night, he had been up with her since 6am. I had been up most of the night because of food poisoning or a newly developed salmon allergy. Either way, it had been ugly.

We sat at the breakfast table, looked at each other, and didn’t state anything because it was obvious that we were both exhausted. How about going for a hike? We had to do something to get through the day. Plus, our little one’s favorite activity is walking. She had already walked around the complex (about 1km) with my husband earlier that morning.

The little one fell asleep within the five minutes it took to drive to the trailhead. Ignore, this is nonsense. She never does this. This is not per schedule, I thought. She will perk up on the trail. She did not perk up on the trail. After lots of whining and complaining, we put her in the carrier where she fell asleep face forward, hunched over, and then soon after we took her out of this uncomfortable position, on my husband’s shoulder. She kept sleeping when we transferred her into the car seat. There goes my 2-hour work window to get ahead of the game this week, I thought. “Let me get my iPad, a magazine, and a coffee, and I’ll stay with her in the car while you take a nap”. My husband happily accepted this offer. It was hard to tell which one of us was in worse shape but my guess was him. Otherwise, he would never have accepted that offer.

I thought about the upcoming week, and how little work I would get done. My 8yo was coming home this evening. As fun as it is to have him around, we would be on summer camp schedule. And since I didn’t get a spot for an outdoor 8:30-4:30pm camp nearby because it sold out 17 minutes after registration opened, I signed him up for a marble run engineering camp. On the bright side, this camp had been his pick so there would be no complaining. The not so bright side was that this 9am-3pm camp was a 30-minute drive in a traffic sensitive area. I would either have to adjust my work expectations for this week, or get up at 5am to get an extra work hour in. Working at night I had tried many times, but just was not working for me. I usually am too exhausted by the time my 8yo is finally in bed. Or I am so wired after work that I barely sleep and write off the day after.

While I was pondering my options for the week, a very fit looking woman ran by. My toddler peacefully snored beside me. I pegged the fit lady at 45. I ping of envy went through me. How lovely would it have been to go on a run this morning, without having to worry about a toddler’s sleep schedule? Why on earth had I thought it was a good idea to have a little one while my husband and I previously had every other weekend to ourselves? If we had stayed on that path, we would have had two part-time teenage kids in a few years, who were either sleeping in, or doing something that teenage kids do independently. I comforted myself with the thought that this time would come, but just a little later. Maybe this woman was in fact lonely, and I was definitely never lonely. Or maybe this woman was just happy and fit. Good for her. Perhaps I could go on a run with the not-so-little one in about five years. Run together on Sunday morning.

I thought back about my weekends as a single mom, already seven years ago. On half of the weekends, I had been running around with a toddler by myself, always looking for play dates to get through the day, and napping while he napped. On the other weekends, I had been working on Saturday, and desperately looking for friends to hang out with on Saturday night. It had had its advantages for sure. Very efficient for work. But it hadn’t been ideal either. There had been very few real connections in my life, outside the bond between my son and me.

I took another sip from my coffee and accepted that my two-hour work window would not happen today. But I did get a quiet moment with a magazine (in which I lost interest within 3 minutes) and I had jotted down this blog. My run would have to wait until another time, but that was fine. It is all about smart scheduling. I would play soccer with my 8yo tonight when the little one was in bed and count that as my exercise. And work... Well, wasn’t it Sunday after all? It could wait until tomorrow.